18five2

Reels

2009-04-27T04:16:28Z

It is interesting when you meet yourself in another person. Explanations make so much sense. At the same time you know that they are a separate person, that while things are similar they are not quite the same. And that can not use yourself as a base to estimate the future.

I find explanations so important.

And comforting.

Rev counters

2009-04-24T18:45:54Z

Last night someone described me as having a 'crazy ass scooter man lifestyle.' Or it might have been: 'crazy ass single man scooter lifestyle.' Either way I found it pretty amusing. Perhaps I do.

Time and place.

2009-04-23T07:49:22Z

Well..I guess its good to know I still can have those feelings. Too bad the signs seem to be pointing towards unrequited interest. At this point: my cynical side equates this with "No." We both acknowledged we have erected walls around ourselves, is it possible we are bumping these awaiting a key? Or is it simply a matter of her deciding incompatibly and not being able/willing to tell me? How much effort should I put forth (at this point) in finding out which it is? I see possible incompatibilities myself, I just wish I knew her better such I could see their extent. The variables are many if I look for them. Should I continue to look or should I run away? My gut says run away, the little voice points out this is my usual path. The little voice says I am good at making safe choices, the gut points out I have a certain affinity for challenges.

But enough of this (and that.) What about relaxing and going with the flow? And striking cynicism. Confidence plus security. Considering it easy and (not too) seriously.

Time works, place matters.

Lives

2009-04-20T07:09:38Z

For some reason while waking up this morning I kept thinking up bad pick-up lines. My favorite was: 'Hey, wanta come back to my place to meet the terror cell in my pants?" I was listening to the BBC World Report before bed last night, perhaps that had something to do with it.

One for the the money.

2009-02-14T18:34:14Z

I have been pretty successful at not having valentines over the years. Actually, over the past 29 years I have only had one valentine, granted, we were each others for four years. I don't think my somewhat contrary (to holidays) nature is contributing factor, but for what ever reason, historically, my dating life seems to follow a mid to late summer to sometime in January pattern. Seasonal affective disorder? Perhaps I need to work on my sunny disposition. Many of people I have talked find spring a promising time of year meet, I have yet to find this the case, maybe its all the pollen..allergens n'all. Another year seems to be ticking by, but its not for naught if you have a good clock to watch.

Space

2009-02-08T09:15:01Z

I sometime wonder what I am going to do. When I have this thought I often why I don't wonder about this more often. I don't often have trouble finding things to do, but I do sometimes wonder how different things would be if I had someone to find things to do with. Loneliness? but it doesn't have to be.

------

I like to dance because it is a medium where I can express myself at a speed and with a level detail close to how I process.

15 50 2

2009-02-07T22:55:37Z

I am good at taking things literally and working either forward or backwards from there. I like to start with a strong footing (a mutually acknowledged concept) but then be able to adjust and play with the idea to keep it a bit more interesting and fun. I like to think a dryness and wit are useful in keeping a balancing.

Details

2009-02-01T09:04:29Z

taste

18five2 @ 2009-01-04T03:12:00

2009-01-04T09:24:55Z

I think I see more of how it works now. I wouldn't say that I have all the answers, but enough to at least see the door and be comfortable with it. I'm not sure what is on the other side of the door, or if I even want to go through for that matter, but least it can be more fun checking it out. Sometimes being different isn't half bad, it is being happy there and being ok with others who aren't. Choosing when not to take it personally and seeing when others do. What and when important is.

Can when why. How happens.

Zoom X2

2008-12-08T06:08:33Z

I have an engine in my apartment. Yes, that's right, a real live engine including transmission. Its out of a Honda CH80 Elite scooter. Maybe 'live' isn't exactly the right word to describe it, 10 years in a damp garage near Mauston do not seem to have done it any good. Turns out the best lit room in my abode is the bathroom. Nothing spells winter fun quite like rebuilding an engine in the loo.

Passages

2008-12-07T10:09:05Z

It has been a while since my social circle has expanded much for a while, particularly when it comes to meeting potential dates. I have been single for a bit over three years, this is likely in part due my pickiness, but it is also safe to say that only meeting only a handful of people a month in non-business activities might have something to do with it as well. Most of my formative years were spent as an only child on a farm with little to no TV, movies or video game so I got quite good at finding ways to entertain myself by myself. This is still the case, and while being single is getting, well, a bit old, it hasn't gotten to the point of having the motivation to find new social situation to put myself in beyond my current volunteering at the coop (Bio-fuels not food) and scooter shop, going out dancing a time or two a week and hanging out with old friends. I could take classes, join a sports team, or spend more time at bars without dancing but I haven't felting a burning desire to do any of theses activities for there own merit. I tried internet dating but at this point I pretty burned out on that. Speed dating? Hmmm. Do I need to change myself to be more of a catch? Sure I have a few rough bits/quirks, but in large I enjoy being me and have fun doing it; I am thinking more finding compatibility and taking the time and energy to get to know folks and be known.

So, meeting more people. I have a couple social expectations that limit me here. I'm not saying these are accurate, but that are largely what I have been working from:

1) People are independent, if they want help, someone to talk or new friends they will say or it will be fairly directly implied.

2) People go out in groups to spend time with each other and enjoy the event, possible to meet friends of friends.

3) In conversation people will tell you what is important and which details relevant.

4) People are naturally self confident and know what they want.

While these may actually apply to some folks, I can see that they aren't good general rules. Hell, they don't actually apply all that well to me. Funny thing is, when I first moved to Madison a number of the people I met were random, they looked interesting so I simply introduced myself. Apparently I wasn't so stuck on the above points back then. Maybe I was more desperate. Lately I have been making more of an effort to question the assumptions (or excuses) and similar to when I was younger, I have been surprised by easy it can be to get positive feed back. This isn't to say long deep conversations with strangers is becoming a new norm, but a friendly smile and/or nod often aren't wasted.

Talk

2008-11-06T18:50:03Z

What's fun is when people speak all in Italian but for swearing in English. Yeah London. The people watching has been grand thus far. Nice shoe, nice boots...

The automobile/scooter watching has been very good as well. They just don't sell much of this stuff in the ole USA. (They say it just wouldn't sell in that market. They might have a point, but I like it.)

The motorcyclists and scooter folk seem to have a pretty ballsout approach here. Lane-spliting galore sometime even against traffic. It gets you places quicker for sure - hopefully not too often the hospital. In a way it is simply making the most of the small size and manuvability of the bike, but I have have a feeling if I brought such a style back to Madison I would get shot in fairly short order.

I am also very glad to not be at work. This is both speaking well of where am visiting and ill of work. Sadly, this is really the first time I have been having such thoughts about this job, I suppose four years is a pretty good run, but management styles and additudes make a big differences for better or worse. We'll see how things are when I get back, my boss has been making a lot of changes lately and it will be interesting to see how they all shake out.

Word.

Go.

2008-04-28T13:56:52Z

For instant gratification (or similar)? No. In a while? Maybe so. (The depth is somewhat doubtful, but there is something said by being nice.)

32-4365

2008-03-21T19:01:00Z

We received a shipment from gotboxusa.com today. Turns out its not a porn site.

2

2008-03-16T08:13:49Z

Why do I feel deep down I am getting closer to solving a problem? Per usual, I have likely been over thinking the question and its possible answers, and although I still can't give a solid answer, there is feeling that more and more of the small bits are starting to suming up. Perhaps I am simply losing some of my pessimism, but somehow the notion that underlying pieces are setting up. Feel the change, be the change? Errr, maybe something that way. Letting go, giving up, putting together. Like something is being spelled, backwards perhaps (wouldn't that be fun?) So maybe so. My word...

1,2,3, maybe so, maybe so.

Flowing.

Let it go.

1552

2008-03-09T08:22:51Z

Life, sex and the impracticality of it all.

I haven't found a way to buy happiness, although I must admit I haven't tried very. (Side-effect: savings.) Maybe happiness isn't the right word as I wouldn't say I have been that unhappy for quite a while either. Fulfilled? Closer but not quite that either, more its a feeling that there are pieces of life that I am missing. The thing is, I have a feeling, the things that are missing often fall into the realm of chance and that good old book learning and planning only have a limited affect in improving the odds.

distance passing rolls roles self certain lists casting jumps rolling down over round around piece stuff danger soft in-depth eating details shoe past smell pace miss 15 implement jack helmet doughnut date why pieces

A life with reason.

2008-02-03T08:13:31Z

It is very infrequent that I make a decision without doing a fair bit of consideration first. An effect of this is that I can honestly say that there are very few choices that I have and now regret (and I bet I have saved at least 1000 gallons of water through reasoned bathroom usage over the years.) This sometimes makes me feel like I have created a box for myself to live - a warm, clean, safe, comfortable, predictable and controlled space, which is nice, but sometimes makes me wonder how often it causes me to miss opportunities. The thing about reason - careful contemplation of the options, causes and effects - is that it takes time. If you live by it, you are also limited by it - limited to the options that stay open as long as the time you ask. How often do options recur and how much has changed in between? How good will the options be? How good are the returns on living a nice, warm, clean, safe, comfortable, predictable and controlled life? How lonely? How many questions?

A life with reason.

2008-02-03T08:10:37Z

It is very infrequent that I make a decision without doing a fair bit of consideration first. An effect of this is that I can honestly say that there are very few choices that I have and now regret (and I bet I have saved at least 1000 gallons of water through reasoned bathroom usage over the years.) This sometimes makes me feel like I have created a box for myself to live - a warm, clean, safe, comfortable, predictable and controlled space, which is nice, but sometimes makes me wonder how often it causes me to miss opportunities. The thing about reason - careful contemplation of the options, causes and effects - is that it takes time. If you live by it, you are also limited by it - limited to the options that stay open as long as the time you ask. How often do options recur and how much has changed in between? How good will the options be? How good are the rewards for living a nice, warm, clean, safe, comfortable, predictable and controlled life? How many questions?

A life with reason.

2008-02-03T08:09:39Z

It is very infrequent that I make a decision without doing a fair bit of consideration first. An effect of this is that I can honestly say that there are very few choices that I have and now regret (and I bet I have saved at least 1000 gallons of water through reasoned bathroom usage over the years.) This sometimes makes me feel like I have created a box for myself to live - a warm, clean, safe, comfortable, predictable and controlled space, which is nice, but sometimes makes me wonder how often it causes me to miss opportunities. The thing about reason - careful contemplation of the options, causes and effects - is that it takes time. If you live by it, you are also limited by it - limited to the options that stay open as long as the time you ask. How often do options recur and how much has changed in between? How good will the options be? How good are the rewards for living a nice, warm, clean, safe, comfortable, predictable and controlled life?

18five2 @ 2008-01-27T02:46:00

2008-01-27T08:47:44Z

one, two, three

shut the door

shut the door

The internets and me.

2008-01-13T20:50:51Z

I have been averaging 15 spam messages a day offering penis enlargement. This make me feel special and important, afterall, I must be special and important if I merit a really big penis. This sense of importance is somewhat offset by the 1-2 messages I get each day offering deeply discounted watches. If I'm so awesome and my manhood so large, why the fuck am I going to buy some discount watch? The full money B only for me!

- -

2008-01-01T10:47:21Z

The thing about being unique is..

Time:

2007-12-23T17:48:30Z

15 more years...

1779

2007-11-03T15:32:56Z

I wonder if I should have a word with my marketing department. Perhaps a meeting is in order.

Sometimes

2007-11-02T07:01:14Z

Self doubt is an interesting thing. Optimism and pessimism. Sometimes is cuts short, sometimes it saves face, sometimes it keeps it real, sometimes it breaks face. Sometimes it seeps in, sometimes it knocks holes in the whole. Sometimes it takes holiday, sometimes its for the duration. Optimism and pessimism. Piece of mind, piece of soul. Can one earn their way away? What of knowing its presence and being able to pull reason. What would it be like to be wholly without? All consuming? Optimism and pessimism. Is seeking balance inane?